When you can't run you crawl and when you can't do that

You find someone to carry you. <3

(no subject)
Oh my god, I am so fucking livid.
Why the fuck did I do this to myself?!

I fucking moved to houstonm like a god damn moron.
My boyfriend hates me.
I'm crying constantly.
The stress is making my hair fall out.
The stress is also causing some other symptoms / side effects such as...
Teeth grinding, vomiting, shaking, sweating, random bursts of anger or depression, mood swings, itching... other shit...

(no subject)
God... Looking through moms old posts has my heart aching <3
I love you LJ no one ever looks at you <3
My true journal now days...
Anyway seeing the stuff about grandpa... and tristan... god.
I miss tristan, I love my man but GOD DAMN I miss my brother.
I miss having my rock.
He's so much younger he shouldn't be that. But he is.
He's my therapist. In an all to real sense.
I feel more comfortable telling him my darkest secrets than i feel giving most my name.
I need my little brother in times like these.

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

Hey, you!
It's 6:00 in the morning, can you feel me thinking of you?
Dreaming of you.
And that new girl you're with...
I wonder if she's pretty, or if she gives head as well as I do...
I didn't realize how many songs reminded me of you... I do now...
The Band, CSMDP, APC, Tool, Nat King Cole, Bob Dylan...
Bob Dylan...
Yupp, you broke me like a little girl, the only one who ever could.
Even now, thinking of you, brings teardrops down my face and every once and a while, my breath catches, I start to choke... Then I remember to breathe... And everythings as fine as it can be.
I never thought you would be what you are now, that I would change so much about you...
Had I known that I truly saved you...
I would have come to you, and only you and our worlds would have collided in light and stars and waves and fireworks and all the things that make us happy or scared...And we would have been in perfect love...
In love.

Breaking down...
The thunder sounds like bullets and it couldn't be more appropriate.
The rain pouring down, sky black as night at two o'clock in the afternoon...
Yeah, this is the day I'm having... That black coffee and cigarettes kind of day when you wish you hadn't quit smoking.
Sometimes you make the choice and sometimes it gets made for you...
You think that because someone has always been there, they always will be, but sometimes you aren't the only one who's got a choice to make...
Sometimes someone else realizes what you have before you do and then it's gone...
This is not a good feeling.
That's appropriate too.

the poem
I found a website with writing prompts they told me to start with bring me the sunset in a cup.

Bring me the sunset in a cup
 I need a little comfort.
Give me cream and sugar too
 I can't handle bitter news.
You'll hand me bitchy on a saucer
And disappointment on a spoon.
And I'll take them both with a smile, because that's what I've learned to do.

(no subject)
Natalie stalked the cold grey streets, slick and shiny from rain, mirror imiges speaking in the puddles as she walked past street lights. The wind was bitter, cold and harsh, whipping her hair around to deliver stinging smacks to her face and neck.
Natalie lived a mere 2 blocks away from her destination, a little cafe full of teenage kids smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. But while a smoke and a cup of coffee sounded great, that certainly wasn't her purpose. She was trying to find david, a wierd type of business mogul he used the money he made to buy spiked collars flashing toungue rings to the dingy hoods roaming the streets at gay pride parades, I don't know why, he was homophobic.Still, the punk rock pro's seemed to appreciate the effort. As high as they were though, I'm not sure it even counts.
The filthy grimy underground kids stared as she walked in and sat down face to face with the one person everyone else was trying to avoid... me.
My name is lillian... and I am dead. No one can see me, no one can hear me, no one can feel me... except Natalie. We found eachother on a subway, the hot sticky leather seats smelled like stale, half dried, sweat and booze... and she was sitting on top of a mans lap grinding against him frantically staring deep into his eyes, and screaming... but no one seemed to care, the man himself appeared to be looking right through her, and then it occured to me that he was. I walked up behind her and slipped my hand into her pocket, she jumped and turned to face me in shock. I knew I would surprise her, but she surprised me more, she was beautiful, long red curls draped across her smooth pale shoulders and bright, effulgent green eyes peeking out from behind full black eyelashes. And the curves and contours of her body tittillated me into a shiver of desire. She smiled, and started walking forward.

The drugs.
The pain killers hit, and the mind starts to twist, and nothing feels wrong because love is on the wind its powdery white and as i breathe it in i can start to think once again.
The cocktail mixes in the vains and you feel feel feel feel feel no pain cause you got got got got drugs on ya brain and im so happy now no need to play with the flame.

I'm back in oklahoma, life rules.
I'm living with my friend scott....

(no subject)
I can't stop crying, im so depressed, and fucking pissed for no goddamn reason, and im hungry i've been soooooooooooooooooo fucking hungry for days and days but i cant fucking eat... im out of cigs i have no weed and im in so much pain... my chest is ready to explode... im hot one second then freezing the next and i just......


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